I was brought up Catholic and whilst I always believed in God I never really gave much thought or energy towards this divine aspect to my life. Generally I felt religion to be lifeless, controlling, and full of unexplainable contradictions that never added up. I really put God to the back of my mind. Then as I grew up I felt like traumas seemed to pile up one after another. Concurrently I started thinking for myself more and more, and to my mind I felt as though God had abandoned me, or perhaps this God didn’t really exist, or at least not in the way that I thought it did. I also felt that religion/God was responsible for so much division in my own family and the world at large so I no longer wanted to factor God into my life, nor could I really say the word anymore. After all that very word seemed to have so much mud flung onto it and just about everything else, that it no longer meant or represented anything spiritual or worthwhile to me.
But, what did this really represent?.. I will come back to that. As the years past into my teenage and young adult years I had a huge reawakening of spiritual awareness and understanding. Many subjects ranging from paranormal, spiritual phenomena, conspiracies, healing right through to personal growth subjects became a source of deep investigation and focus. Finally something that made sense in life! It seemed to quench my thirst for knowledge and understanding . At that same time I had drifted away from many friends who were going down the road of drugs and other unfortunate diversions and distractions. I was alone, but I was grateful that I had something deeper inside of me that was spurring me on and keeping me on track with that which is real and authentic.
As I grew further into adulthood many of my childhood traumas started to surface, particularly after I had a family of my own. Seemingly one issue after another relentlessly coming forward, overwhelming me at times, but I think somehow always rising to the task of the healing needing to be done, even if it felt like at the’ last minute’, or that I couldn’t do it. It was confusing at first as I had learnt so many ‘positive’ and ‘spiritual’ concepts in my earlier years. Why had things gotten so bad?.
But, now all of my knowledge, skills and awareness were being called up and put to the test! Everything that I had learnt intellectually was being applied energetically, emotionally and soulfully. I became my own teacher, with the help of many others of course! Last year took me right back to the start of my life metaphorically. I realised that there had been an issue with ‘God’ not just the word but the energy of what this is and what this meant to me, just as I identified at the start of this article. I knew that this had a powerful key for my healing. After some deep release work I realised that I had blamed God for everything and had hated it on some level. But, this really was about distancing from and hating/rejecting myself. My traumas had taught me that I must be bad, unworthy, flawed, not loved, alone. So I walked away from God, it was me that ‘left’. The big healing came that when I looked back over my entire life and realised that it was God that helped me up, and walked me through. It was God that guided me and showed me to truth. It was the strength of this inside of me that loved me to life. I know this sounds like some sort of religious sermon, but the truth is I can now say this word and not have any negative reaction, and in fact have nothing but a good feeling about it. I know that it is my foundation in life. It has showed me how far I’ve come in my own inner healing, which I am very grateful for.
In my work as a counsellor I see many people all with significant traumas, difficulties and challenges. Some of them do not have a sense of spirituality or God within them, these are the ones that really struggle and have deeper hardship in a lot of situations . I also see that a lot of these people who have experienced very similar things to myself have instead turned to drugs, alcohol and addictions of sorts. I know that it is the power of God and my spiritual core and foundation that really saved me and got me through. It has been the only real constant in my life throughout all the success, failures, deep pain and deep joy. It has been that energy, feeling and awareness that has give me strength, love and the will to keep on keeping on, particularly when all we see in the outer world is destruction occurring on greater and increasing levels.
Truly, the times we are living in are going to ask ALL of us to dig deep and find our spiritual core…God!. And, that this comes first in life. It is a spiritual battle that we are all fighting, and this is what World War 3 is really about in my opinion. The fight for the heart and soul of humanity. It is time for you to know who and what you are, heal, and connect to your deepest source. This is WHY you here now.
So, let us join together, and heal our relationship with God so that we can be who were destined to be. I’d like to ask you now what does God mean to you? And what is your relationship and connection with it? You can share your thoughts here.
Thankyou for reading along