I have long been uncomfortable about crying, especially when people are around. It was just a few months ago that I remembered my mother pressing my face into her soft body so forcefully I couldn’t breath. I used to think this was an accident and that she would release me soon. No. I would start thrashing my arms and trying to push away and she would hold me there more firmly. I would give up, relax and just before I blacked out she would release me. This happened time and time again and the last time she did this I was 12 and shocked that she was still suffocating me. What this did was reset me. A traumatised, teary child would walk away calm and blank in mind.
Did my mother know what she was doing? On some level she did. I do know that she was struggling with being a mother and having a screaming child in the house can wear of people’s nerves.
I now know why I used to shut myself in my bedroom to sob and wail loudly. The moment I heard Mum’s footsteps thumping up the corridor I would go into fear and immediately go silent. This was the start of my reply of “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong?”, which makes me wonder why so many people respond the same way. Was my loud sobbing and wailing about attention seeking? Yes, but it was also about releasing all of that suppressed trauma and grief.
Hmm… is there an oil for that? I’m going to find out!
I don’t want to be someone who is always crying, but as long as I suppress the past, that’s what’s going to happen. I am slowly becoming comfortable with allowing myself to release those tears and not care who sees me. This is what Expansions teach. Get those old emotions out before life does it for you!
Have you thought about your own tears?
Do you think crying is healthy? or just attention seeking?
Do you try to suppress your tears? What does this do to you?
Do all tears have a connection to the past?
Would you try an oil blend that stimulated the release of grief and trauma? or would you rather one that suppressed it?