I was 19 when I met a man who was drawn to ask me one day if I was ok. I had no idea why at the time, but I shared that I’d been mutilating myself. He was one of my teachers and to this day he has remained a friend. Back then he never let on that he felt out of his depth with what I’d revealed, instead he did some research, spoke to some people and with my agreement got me out of school for a few hours each week seeing a psychotherapist.
The psychotherapist was a potential disaster, my world became a reality of crazy, but with the support of the man who had extended a simple question of concern that day, my feet were placed firmly on the path of self development. I’ve been walking this path ever since.
Back then, I had about 20yrs of suppression that continues to highlight how much I’ve managed to hide from myself. With the imprinting of suppression in early childhood, I’m only now discovering the various ways in which I continue this behaviour. Things, thoughts, actions that are mindless or distract me from what I’m doing or feeling are actually ploys of self sabotage designed to suppress. These can be so subtle I miss them for what they are. Even while writing this I find myself looking around for distractions. My headphones are on, but I’ve turned the music off so I can focus, yet keep looking at my music list. Lately, I’ve been emotionally eating, the cold weather makes this easy. My parents are ageing and requiring care, I have a housemate who’s decided my oils are causing health issues, except for the ones that they use. I’m working to resolve this.
Essential oils are my passion! Not being able to wear them has caused me to look at how and why I was using them. I have a particular blend that I like very much and have a small diluted bottle that I apply when I go out. Stress levels have been so high I began using this blend neat. I’m aware that applying this scent was becoming an automated action. I see people doing this when they’re in an emotional state, they reach for the same oil or blend over and over again in the desire and belief it’s relieving their emotions. This is actually suppression.
What exactly is suppression and what does it do? Suppression is when something surfaces and you don’t wish to acknowledge it so you use distraction to avoid doing so. This doesn’t make that ‘something’ go away, it just pushes it down for another time. When it comes up next you may find it’s more intense.
I can give a physical example of this. When you need to release your bowels, but you’re too busy and ignore that sensation you find it goes away. The next time that feeling comes back it is stronger and will build in strength until you’re running to the toilet!
It’s the same with emotions, they don’t go away and do come back stronger than before.
This is where my work with self development is enabling me to get the most out of essential oils as they work optimally with the individual who wants to heal themSelf. It all comes back to releasing in a manner that is healthy and essential oils support that. On one level the oils will work for you, but on another it’s important you work with them.
Release is what I teach!