I am sure that most of you who are reading this are interested in working on yourselves, seeking positive change, and looking to generally upgrade the quality of your lives. I know that for me, when I initially started exploring ‘spiritual information’ I really wanted to change in such a big, deep and positive way, and hopefully offer those I encounter the same opportunity should they wish.
So, this motivation then attracts teachers, books, courses, modalities, processes and techniques that seem to offer an approach to help us change. Naturally, through this we hope to ‘change’ into a better person, overcoming our faults etc. We look towards developing skills that will make us happy. We engage in growth therapies as a way to improve ourselves. But, what if most of these things are really not helping us to ‘change’ at all.
Early on in my quest, I couldn’t seem to get past the things that I felt were holding me back. I would read and explore all of this great info and positive information that told me how great I am, and the endless potential that I have yet I didn’t feel I could access it. At times it would frustrate me at no end. I would look at others and think that they had their lives ‘all together’ and thought maybe it is just ‘me’.
However, throughout all of this, I had this feeling that something is missing here, something just isn’t right with all of this ‘positive’ ra ra information wanting to lift me up to the heights, and , Why is ‘change’ so difficult, at least for me??
Over the years the number of ‘self-help’ and ‘positive spiritual growth gurus’ has grown exponentially. There are now endless books, teachers and methods that seek to offer you everything under the sun and to ‘change your life’. For example, in the year 2014 the self-help industry generated a staggering $10 billion in the US alone! This clearly shows us that this industry is huge. Seems like people are wanting to change all of the time! It is clear that there is an almost insatiable desire to get better and feel happy!
But, I am sure if you take a look around at the state of Planet Earth right now and the quality of life, has it really improved??.Could we honestly say that it has? With all of those billions of dollars churned over through the ‘self-help’ industry in the US alone, are we seeing the quality of life increase given the amount of money spent here. I think not!
We all know that nothing is promoted or allowed onto the world stage unless it serves the interests of the global handlers. I will explain why I think that this industry for the most part is not helping us, but keeping those it attracts to be like hamsters on a hamster’s wheel… running fast, thinking we are going forwards, but really going nowhere and staying where we are!
Why is this so? Well, let’s look at this whole concept of ‘change’. Most of us want to change because we feel that there is something wrong with the quality of our lives on some level and how our lives are going. It could be our current life situation with our career, health, relationships or living circumstances. Whatever it is, the bottom line is that we have an undesirable set of circumstances that we want to get rid of. We simply resist, reject, or want to go beyond whatever it is that is before us. So we run this way and that to try and fix this situation.
But, the truth is YOU are a microcosm of the macrocosm… and as you know this means that you contain ALL, that is, the positive AND negative. They both have equal value in the totality of existence, at the larger macro universal level, and YOU, the micro personal level. It is one and the same. This is who and what we are and what we contain. Given this understanding, you cannot truly get rid of anything, it is ALL part of you, and if you are rejecting any part of the ‘negative’ that is showing up in your life then you are then rejecting and judging the TOTALITY which contains all. This is not truly self-acceptance and is certainly not ‘love and light’!. Also, if we are subtly self-rejecting then it ensures that we continually return to these same conditions and circumstance over and over and usually bigger until we learn to embrace it and what it teaches us and learn from it. This is why the world is heading into major crisis with the ‘negative’ because we are not working on learning from it and understanding it within individually and collectively.
In my view this is why most ‘change’ therapies or ‘positive psychology’ does not work. They are really practicing self-rejection as they deny, repress, hide or avoid the ‘negative’ seeing it as lesser than it’s polar opposite. This is and can be very subtle, for example it can just be that we cling to the positive in some way, like wanting to only feel positive emotions and constantly denying our true feelings by convincing ourselves of the ‘positives’ of an experience all of the time and not admitting to ourselves our negative feelings such as anger, resentment or rage . It is important that when the ‘negative’ shows up that we feel fully through whatever feelings that present themselves, so we can reintegrate ourselves and our experience , this ensures a truer change. In this instance we are not trying to run away from ourselves or our feelings, we are embracing that they are here for a reason, that they have value in our lives and that they are teaching something of immense importance to us
So this brings me to my next point. TRUE change, for me is about self-integration. If we contain everything, and have access to potentially everything within then what do I need to change? We have it ALL already. Really the negatives that show up are about re-integrating aspects of myself that needs healing, connection & awareness. This is where true growth and ‘change’ occurs in my opinion. This is where true unconditional love and self-acceptance is. In fact, this whole reality that we experience on some level only exists because we must re-integrate ourselves back to wholeness and for that to happen we must look at and feel ALL that we have participated in. Not to re-traumatise, but to allow ourselves all of the feelings that we have experienced to express themselves so we can learn about who and what we are, then move on to newer experiences and challenges to learn and grow. It is that in childhood we learn to shut-down negative feelings as they weren’t safe to feel or express at the time our traumas occured, and generally this experiential avoidance continues into adulthood. We think things can be just normal, but in fact if we go deeper we may find that we re still self-rejecting, or avoiding some aspect of ourselves.
So for me, this is why most of the self-improvement industry does not truly serve. It doesn’t not usually help you understand, learn from and integrate the ‘negative’ in your life. After all, this does not sell millions of books, or look happy on glossy pages and it doesn’t promise you the happy life free of all of your burdens and suffering. But, truly if burdens and suffering are there, then we need to, as best we can learn from ,embrace, and accept our feelings and ourselves through the experience so we can truly move through in the most beneficial way. It is there for a reason, to show us something about ourselves.
This is why the work of Stewart and Janet Swerdlow at Expansions is a true method in my opinion. They teach that all experiences teach and have value, both the positive and the negative, and that self-reintegration is the most important work we can undertake. Also that we cannot bring in the ‘new’ until we have let go of the ‘old’ and for this to occur we need to examine, feel, and understand the ‘old’ before we move on to bigger newer mind-patterns for ourselves.
Let me know your thoughts